RP ARSEiever compresses any set of data to 4 Kb

[ARSEiever]

Riot Pixels? ARSEiever (short for Adaptive Relative Singularity Expansion) is a data compression utility that has been in development at DS9 for more than 5 years. To learn how this program works, read the detailed explanation below, but here?s the CliffsNotes version:

File, or files of any size, when compressed into an .ARSE container, occupy exactly 4096 bytes (4 Kbytes). A game, a movie, the contents of your hard drive, the entire Google search index, all the archives on Earth - everything is packed into a 4Kb file.

?But that is impossible!?, says anyone who knows their way around computer technology. Well, yes, informational entropy is the physical limitation that makes it impossible to compress any data set beyond a certain size. However, our patent-pending BSG-algorithm circumvents this road block in a simple, but genius way - by sending data into parallel worlds. The resulting file contains only addresses needed to access the copied data.
As this storage method gains popularity, we will witness a true revolution in information technology. You won?t have to wait hours to download video games, any YouTube video will be accessible in a second, and your MP3 player will contain all the music that has been ever created.
Riot Pixels is the official partner of DS9 Tech Labs in promoting this technology in the video games industry. Our first application - an alpha build of ARSEiever - is already available to download. You can test it on several archived video games and see the future for yourself!

The decompression utility and 7 sample archives with a compression factor of hundreds of thousands, are available at our website:
http://arse.riotpixels.com

[encode]

Drugs are bad, dude

[Matt Mahoney]

The Better Archiver with Recursive Functionality (BARF) is better. It compresses the Calgary corpus files to 1 byte, and it will recursively compress any file to 0 bytes. No network connection to alternate universes is required.
http://mattmahoney.net/dc/barf.html

[Sportman]

Your April fools day joke took you a lot of work and is funny, you can make it better by downloading something from mega.co.nz and make English interface also.

[ARSEiever]

Yeah, we had an English interface in early alpha, but didn't include in the latest build. Sorry

[Sportman]

Actual I made a preprocessor who do really something like your joke, I had hide it in Winzpaq http://www.winzpaq.com but it only work with dictionary lists I use to brute force passwords. When you compress with Winzpaq a .txt file with a dictionary list it become active at the higher compression levels and also with decompression.

You can test it by downloading dict8.zpaq (2,580,377 bytes):
http://www.metacompressor.com/download/dict8.zpaq

When you unpack it with Winzpaq you get:
1,745,156,099 bytes dict8.txt file.

So be sure you have some free disk space.

When you try to compress dict8.txt with other archivers you get:
667,974,972 bytes zip -5 (rar)
131,758,438 bytes rar -5
48,058,860 bytes 7zip -9

So not close to Winzpaq and hidden pre-processor.

[jethro]

the best part is... it works! The only con is it is slow. I guess transmission throughput from parallel universes is limited by narrow bandwidth connections to them. And although my knowledge of super-string theory and multiple dimensions is only basic something tells me that "compression" is much slower making this compression technology very asymmetric

[Bloax]

An ARSEiever? Sounds like a lot of BOLLOCKS to me.

[Sportman]

April fools days is finished, time to reveal the true. Everything I wrote was fact, accept there is no preprocessor hidden in Winzpaq. The extreme good compression result with this kind of input data is the result of zpaq itself and can be also accomplished with the command line version only.

[ggf31416]

Be careful with the Klingons and Cardassians from the parallel universe. They may be unwilling to release your data.

[Bloax]

Well then, the only solution is to send them more questionable data. Lots upon lots of too much questionable data.